animalstalkinginallcaps:

PRELIMINARY REPORT: SUBJECT IS MALE, MID TWENTIES, NO KNOWN AILMENTS. ELECTROLYTE PROFILE SHOWS MODERATELY ELEVATED LEVELS OF HYDROGEN PHOSPHATE, POSSIBLY RELATED TO RECENT DIETARY INTAKE OR ACTIVITY. FIRST PHASE METABOLOMIC SAMPLING SHOWS SERINE DEFICIENCY IN AMINO ACID PROFILE. TRIGLYCERIDE LEVELS SEEM ELEVATED, BUT THAT COULD BE DUE TO THE PECULIARITIES OF SEBACIOUS GLAND DISTRIBUTION IN HUMAN SUBJECTS. FURTHER RESEARCH REQUIRED.

WITHOUT TAKING HIM BACK TO THE LAB THE BEST I CAN OFFER IS A GUESS, BUT I’D SAY THE SUBJECT IS GOING TO SCRATCH MY HEAD AND RUB MY BELLY BECAUSE I’M CUTE AS HELL.